THE PERFECT MAN-Is there such an animal?

IDEAL: existing as a mental image conforming exactly to a perfect mental perception.

PERFECT: existing entirely without fault or defect; flawlessly whole, entire and intact.

Can these descriptions really be used to represent any human being?

Of course not. But the old adage that "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" is the closest one can get to a living perception of that elusive "perfectly ideal" person, especially when coupled with the concept that "love is blind".

Man (or woman) tends to be attracted to the physically aesthetic vision first, although we all know that "beauty is only skin deep", and unique to that persona that the object of our attraction portrays to the world.

This may be considered "Love at first sight" ; but beware. We all have three personas intrinsically intertwined together inside each of us:

• 1. We are what we think others want us to be.
• 2. We are what we see ourselves as being.
• 3. We are what others actually perceive us to be.

All three of these perceptions are part of all of us. So, that ideally perfect person is out there for everyone; but the trick to finding and recognizing them lies within each of us alone; and our individual perceptions of what we think is ideal, perfect, acceptable (barely, satisfactory, or adequate), or totally unacceptable (displeasing and/or unwelcome).

Is there any truth to the saying that: "opposites attract" ? Or, are we attracted to those most like ourselves?

Some people seem to be lucky in love, and find their "soul mate" for life in their first experience of "falling in love" .

Others - Not so lucky.

The problem with those unlucky folks that can't seem to find their "soul mates" lies in their basic personal persona of how they view themselves and how they think others view them, and lastly how they view other people.

A child who is seen as "different" (short, fat, big ears, buck teeth, small, gay appearing, meek, etc..) who grows up being ridiculed through their formative years is most at risk for never finding their perfect "soul mate" in this life.

Children who are taught they are basically bad for something they had no part in, are the most vulnerable for a life time of solitude, self abusive behavior, and profound feelings of inadequacy in all aspects of their lives. Their self perception is damaged through no fault of their own and lack of basic education locks them into a lifetime of disappointment and sadness.

The second major problem in finding our ideal mate is when we have parents, family members, limited religious views, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse by grown ups who should be protecting instead of abusing.

Hatred, intolerance, fear, and bigotry are harmful to a healthy self image and are learned behaviors; taught by elders who practice them openly in front of the children that they are entrusted to rear in a world that can be either pleasurable or miserable to live in. Abusive and negative adults are products of their own upbringing. Ignorance and lack of desire to change, or lack of education, will keep them in that state and pass it along to their own children as a legacy.

But these explanations are too over simplified. Without education to be able to rationalize and understand the consequences of emotional "choices", there is not much hope for individual changes or any great social climate changes as a whole.

Especially when you consider some choices, desires and beliefs with a contrasting view of them in a greater picture and as a viable choice for each person to be allowed to make for themselves. The world of choices is overwhelmingly complicated, but also exciting when one realizes that those choices are ours, as individuals, alone, to make for ourselves. Only we, as individuals, can change our own perceptions. We follow the patterns of our adult teachers as the accepted way of life, and it is easier to comply than to question the validity of their choices.

The following are only a small number and limited examples of personality traits; randomly picked alphabetically from the first ten letters (A thru I) to show but a vastly minuscule fraction of the diversity of choices that we make in our lives and what we tend to look for in others that either enhance one's attraction to another person or detract from what we as individuals assess as either positive or negative traits in others. Either turn ons - or turn off's.

• action: taking the initiative or lead in life - versus -
• apathy: lack of interest or concern, feeling or emotion.
  

• boldness: daring and fearless before danger - versus -
• bleakness: lack of warmth, life, or kindness; grim.

• considerate: thoughtful of the feelings and rights of others - versus -
• condescending: showing an air of superiority in action or behavior.

• decency: conformity to standards of taste, propriety, or quality - versus -
• dastardly: acting treacherously or underhandedly.

• empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another - versus -
• encroachment: to advance beyond the usual or proper limits into the possessions or rights of another, both physically and emotionally.

• factualistic:adherence or dedication to facts - versus -
• fictitious: having the nature of something imagined, superstitious, or assumed.

• graciousness: kind, courteous, marked by tact and decency - versus -
• green-eyed: jealous and envious of others.

• happiness: a state of well being and contentment - versus -
• hatefulness: intense hostility and aversion derived from fear, anger, guilt or sense of injury (either real or perceived).

• idiographic: relating to something concrete, individual or unique - versus -
• idiomatic: relating only to a narrowly particular group, individual or style.

• judgmental: a tendency to judge others harshly without evidence or common sense - versus -
• juridical: relating to the administration of justice according to law (without any bias or prejudice).

POLL EXPLANATION:

• If you voted YES you are probably in the majority, and you live in a world of unabashed blissful positiveness to the point of surrealism (having the intense irrational reality of a dream). And have been lucky in love.
• If you voted NO you are probably in the minority, and live more in a world of realism (concern for fact or reality and rejection of the impractical and visionary). And have been unlucky in love.

There is no such thing as a perfect person. As much as we would like to believe we are that perfect persona incarnate, we are only deluding ourselves. Each of us possess all of those personality traits, and tons more, to some degree or another. but, most of all those who voted NO understand that while we cannot teach old dogs new tricks - we can modify our own personalities and influence our partners by patience, love and positive examples. (Any woman will tell you that they, as a species, have mastered this manipulative behavior in their husbands since the beginning of time).

May God bless and keep you, if you are one (two) of the lucky people in this world that can say to your partner: "you are perfect, just the way your are". Or, should we never ask: "Do i love you because you are beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?".

My only wish for the year 2012, is that we see more love in this world and less hatred.

d.william 01/29/2012